I'm depressed again.

Why? Because I'm doing something stupid because I can't stop, and it's not going to have a good ending.

Because everything in me is telling me to stop, or I'm going to kill a part of myself and have to turn into a Modern American.

I'm sure I'll still be able to hit people with swords...

But I don't know if I'll still really be me.

And yet...

There's a tiny chance.

And because of it, I can't stop, even though I know I'm going to hurt myself and the people I love, because I'm not going to really get that chance.

And even if I do... between now and then, the people who care about me are worried about me because I'm upset.

I can't win.

The best I can hope for is to lose the least possible.

And I don't think I'm going to get it.