Ouch.

I hurt right now, again.

Only in more ways right now than I did last time.

I mean, my arm feels fine, so that's cool.

But at CBL practice last night (Saturday) I hurt my neck, throwing myself across the ground to kill Murph. (I did, but also died. I'm still not sure if I should have won that battle... I mean, I did kill everybody, right? It's just that I also died...) We figure I strained the tendons in the front and back of the left side of my neck and they're just going to hurt like a bitch for a really long time. :(

Bob might have an idea... he did fix my arm, after all.

I also hurt because of the fallout from events on Thursday, which I am not at liberty to share.

And today, about a half hour ago, I got an ICQ IM from a blast from the past.

Lenny.

The bastard. (Literally and descriptively.)

In case you're just tuning in, I haven't seen him since Valentine's Day. I haven't talked to him since about the day after I moved in here; the time before that was late June, I think, after Lilies but before Michigan.

In other words, I haven't talked to him terrible much since Valentine's Day. Especially with the whole "let's lie to Beth and pretend that we're in St Louis when we're really here in Pittsburg, let's!" thing. Fortunately for me, about when we got back from MI is when he moved to KC.

And... out of the blue, tonight, he sent me a message.

I think, actually, that maybe he sent me a message before, and I just didn't bother looking up who it was from, just closed the window. So I can't remember.

Doesn't matter.

Right now I'm really freaked out and I really really wish I were in West Virginia.

Because...

I mean, I can't go to Oger because there's way too much of a mess there right now, and he's asleep anyway.

I can't talk to Justin because he knows Lenny and hates him, and knows that I've had dealings with Lenny but I didn't give him details, etc etc, and he's kinda ticked off at me because of the mess with Oger and me and kittyCat anyway.

I can't talk to John-Boy because he's asleep, and while I could call him to wake him up I just want a hug and I can't afford to call him for just a hug. It's not an emergency, and so I shouldn't wake him up when all I want is comfort.

Lizabet does what she can, but (please don't take offense, Lizabet) while I know she loves me and would do whatever she could to keep me from being hurt, she'd end up getting hurt in the process, which would hurt me, so that doesn't really work... in other words, she makes me feel loved, but not "safe from everything."

I wish I could talk to Fenton, he does make me feel safe, but he's busy sleeping off drink, drama, and maybe a few other things... but I'll talk to him tomorrow.

I think I'll go find if Rachel's awake and tug on her ear for a while...

I'm just very very very very confused and kinda scared right now. Lenny was all sorts of bad news, and I was all sorts of stupid and young for the whole thing.

The whole thing is just combining to make me want to curl up in a ball and cry until Kitten and Fenton get here.

*sighs*