I haven't had much to say lately, you may have noticed.

This is probably because I haven't done much of anything lately.

Really.

I mean, other than classes (which I have been going to, at least mostly), hanging out with and occasionally fighting with Greg, and thinking up nifty stuff to do and not doing it, I haven't done anything.

I put a little bit of effort into cleaning up my room, but it's not cleaned yet.

.....

Heh. Steve, from Oger's floor, just took the aborted attempt at a polearm for Dagorhir out of my room. It's his now. He's going to make stuff out of it and thump Oger with it. More power to him. :) End tangent.

.....

Greg's gone home till tomorrow night, when he's coming back to work. In this time, I need to pack everything and clean my room, because Sunday we're leaving to go home to ED.

We'll stay there a few days, till Wednesday morning or so, at which time we're going to KC to visit Lizabet and Becca-chan. Which reminds me that I need directions to their house...

We're only staying one day there, though, because I'm going to have a massage on Thursday morning back here in town. It's part of my Christmas present from Greg, what I never cashed in on yet. I just need to remember to call her in the morning and let her know I want a Thursday slot...

.....

*sighs* I need a hobby, really, is what I need. Something to do to pour all my time into, but hopefully something that's at least slightly constructive in nature.

I never made it out to Caelin's this week, for example, and I was going to at least make a sword. Or two, really. Either way.

I also need to make armor, and a tent, and a bed for the tent... and I need a job, and a car, and to get into better shape, and guess how much of these things that I know I need do I work on at all?

So maybe this is just me bitching and whining on Pi Day, back when it used to matter that today's date was 3.14...

.....

I wish it was safe to feel like a child again.

I wish it was safe to feel like an adult.

I wish that I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up.

I wish I felt like I had talent.

I wish people wanted me to sing.

I wish people wanted me to laugh.

I wish I didn't need other people to make me feel sufficient.

I wish I never felt lonely, but could still be alone.

(Oddly enough, at this point the song I Wish by Semisonic starts playing.)

"I wish I could be anyone but the one that I am now..."

I wish that Rachel wasn't allergic to cats.

I wish I made friends easily.

I wish people wanted to spend time with me.

"I can't believe in me for you..."

I wish this song didn't fit my mood so much right now.

I wish that everybody had enough.

I wish that there was no reason for hatred.

I wish that people would tolerate each other.

I wish that friends wouldn't part on such small reason.

I wish I could be content again.

I wish my room would clean itself.

I wish that I could be both a self-sufficient adult, living on her own, and a kid who wants a hug from her mom, without having people be willing to believe in only one of them.

I wish I had my cat here.

I wish my room didn't look like a prison cell.

I wish I could paint my room here purple without having to pay for it.

I wish my room at home had already been painted purple.

I wish I felt important.

I wish I could write.

I wish I could create something that would change everyone who ever saw or heard it.

I wish I were better at making myself carry through with all the things I start.

I wish I would make myself get in shape.

I wish the guys lined up for me, even though I'm really happy with Greg.

I wish that a criminal half again my age hadn't been the first person to be attracted to me.

I wish I hadn't let him dazzle my mind so easily.

I wish there was an easy way to change things.

I wish I knew how others see me.

I wish I could stop "broadcasting an aura of capability", as it were.

I wish I was brave enough to speak out on my mailing lists.

I wish I was brave enough to do something, anything at all, that I'm afraid to do right now.

I wish I wasn't as lazy as I am.

I wish I wasn't so lazy as to not try to stop being lazy.

I wish Rachel and Josh would want to hang out with me, too, instead of doing the "new romance" thing and spending time with each other only.

I wish I didn't feel greedy and ugly and stupid and all sorts of other nasty things for thinking all these wishes.

I wish it were okay to feel bad about yourself, while at the same time wishing I didn't feel bad about myself.