Y'know, I lied. After thinking about it some more, I don't know everybody who'd be in my own personal fantasy "Friends" universe. I do know some of them: Rachel, Michael, Rory, Jess, Donna, Greg, Julie, and Me. But if you count that, there's five girls and three guys, so it doesn't match up evenly. In the show, there's Rachel and Ross, Monica and Chandler, and Joey and Phoebe. I guess I need two more guy friends, is all. Maybe Chris and Logan, but I don't really think so, as the one doesn't know hardly any of the previously mentioned people, and the other doesn't really emit his own personality. He just never talks. It's actually kinda annoying.

.....

Finding my way back to sanity again

Though I don't really know what I am gonna do when I get there

Take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around and one more time

Then gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

'Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight,

that's all right, all right with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing

That's where I want to be, yeah

Where I want to be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind

Into the truth and I'm

Trying to identify the voices in my head

God, wish it were you

Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel and

Bring these calluses off of me one more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight,

that's all right, all right with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door

And listen to you breathing

That's where I want to be, yeah

I don't want a thing from you

But you're tired of me,

waiting for the scraps to fall off of your table to the ground

'Cause I just want to be here now

'Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight,

that's all right, all right with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing

That's where I want to be, yeah

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't wanna speak tonight,

that's all right, all right with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door

And listen to you breathing

That's where I want to be, yeah

Where I want to be

Where I want to be

This is a really good song. It's one of my favorite semi-romantic songs, and I think that that actually means something, because I like many of them. Not all of them are balladic, and I don't really care if that's a word or not. Some of them are kinda rock-like, I suppose you could say. But I would like it if at some point, some guy called in to the radio I was listening to and asked for this song, and dedicated it to me. That'd be really nice.

And yes, I am feeling rather hopelessly romantic tonight.

.....

My head just got patted. Thank you, Jess.

I have to go enroll at school tomorrow. Thank any deity you wish, because my only requirements are English for a semester (I could take it longer, but Hades is not a thing to be cherished.) and Government, which comes in a close second on suffering, from what I've heard.

I think that classes should not be taught by stupid people.

I feel very strongly on the matter, in fact.

So other than that, I'm going to be lobbed off into Seminar. I'll be taking French III and Latin III, and not Spanish I because Dad recommends taking it freshman year in college instead, because then it'll be easy and I'll learn more. I think he's right, which is why I am. (Note: Gov't and English are each a semester only, so they "wrap" together, as it were.) Seminar, French, and Latin are all a full year, so that means I have four of my eight classes. Well, actually sixteen, because we have 4 classes on "A" days and 4 classes on "B" days, including Seminar. And then, theoretically, you could have eight entirely different classes the next semester, but I don't really see how you'd manage that.

Anyway, I have four classes, and I need four more. I'm taking Physics, which is all year, and Precalc/Trig, which is also a full year class. So I need two more. This is where we get to the place where the guidance office needs to get their heads out of their collective asses. They have me in Work Experience, which I don't really mind, but they only have it for one class. It doesn't work that way. If you have it "3A", you have to have it "3B", too, because in "The Real World", jobs just don't work on an "every other day" schedule. They also have me signed up for Computer Apps I, which I never wanted, because I'm smart enough to know how to type and how to get on the Internet. I even know a little bit of html. (Not much, I admit, but enough to fix the colors on these pages so that it's not yellow.) Anyway, the basic requirement, which I'm pretty sure you can test out of, is being able to type 40 words a minute. I can do this. I think they want it without errors, which might be more difficult, but hey, I can type at least 100. With errors. Sometimes errors that I don't catch until I've typed about three words more, but I can touch-type, too, so they can just bite me.

(A tad bit aggressive and angry? Oh, perhaps.)

Anyway, I wanted to take Drama, which is a semester, so that maybe, just maybe, I could get a part in the school play next spring that _isn't_ a chorus part. I can sing, mind you, but I don't try out for a play hoping to sing. There is a difference between music and drama, something which Mr. Annable doesn't seem to grasp. Of course, I think that Mr. A has a crush on one of his students, because when a junior (that'd be me) gets passed over for _five_ sophomores in what's supposed to be a mainly-junior-and-senior music group (and mind you, I was the only sophomore who went to District, too. And no, at the time, I was not in the Ensemble.), well, that junior might get a bit peeved. And quit. Which I did, because I didn't sign up for Concert Choir in order to have to sing second soprano because none of the other sopranos, nor half the altos for that matter, could carry a tune underneath the melody. Let me add to that: To have to sing second under a bunch of people who couldn't sing first either. And when a freshman gets a leading role in a musical, when _no_ freshmen got parts at all the year before (that isn't quite true... Ali got about a line, maybe two, and if there were any guys who tried out, they probably got in), just because she looks like a frickin' deer, well, it just makes a body angry, I suppose.

(Bitter? Oh, a touch maybe.)

Anyway, if I'm in drama, maybe I'll get a decent part for once. And there's normally some fairly cute guys in there, although perhaps it depends on your definition of "cute". Drama's only one semester, so I think I'll take Jewelry II the other half of the year, so that I can make some jewelry that'll actually fit me. I have large fingers. My sister can wear a size 4 ring on her pinky finger. I'm lucky if I can find an 8 to fit. I want rings like Phoebe has. (Go watch "Friends" if you don't know what I'm talking about. I mean it.) I'll also make some necklace stuff, maybe. And Christmas presents, that's always good.

I need one more class. It's not going to be Work Exp. or a class at ICC (which is really a good thing, as far as I'm concerned. It's not good to give money to a sinking ship), so I need an idea before I get up tomorrow, instead of after. Because like I said, I need to go fix the whole damn thing early.

Maybe I'll take Metal Shop and Sewing. It'd be a chance to work on SCA stuff, anyway. There's a webpage somewhere, full of "You Know You're In The SCA When..." stuff. One of them is "your son is taking Woodshop so he can make toys, and Home Ec so he can run a feast kitchen... and his friends see what he's making in metal shop and stop hassling him about taking Home Ec." Although I don't think I'd worry about the feast kitchen so much, since I'm already a decent cook. Actually, on the other hand, I might... my friend Roy was in the fancy Cooking class, and he made some... interesting foods. But then again, chili is OOP for everyone.... Maybe I'll take Woodshop and Metalshop. Problem is, Roy also took Metalshop, so I know what you do in there... it's not all that fun... I think the big "fancy" project is making a (non-mobile) airplane out of coke cans. Woodshop, though, I know nothing about. I have this image of the whole toy-making scene from "Santa Claus: The Movie", and I just know it's not going to be like that... they make ducks. With little leather flapper feet. They're really stupid, actually. Then again, if I finished up all my projects in Metalshop, I could work on my chainmail. And in Woodshop I could make a spinning wheel so that I could _keep_ working on my chainmail.

I think I'll probably at least look into taking Metalshop and Sewing. As long as they don't make me sew stupid stuff, I'll be all right with it. And hey, you can change classes for about a week... and I can always take Debate and Forensics... and I need to slap my forehead now... because that's what I was going to take. And now my mind is all set around taking all the other stuff... I guess I'll skip Drama after all. I don't really need to be in the play, and if after three years Shepard doesn't know that I'm a better actor than Ramie, and if Shepard actually gets talked into another musical, which I actually highly doubt, then I'll just be pissed off. I don't know whether I should take Sewing or Metalshop, now, but it doesn't matter, because I might not actually take either. Seniors are allowed to have "open" hours, you see, so hey... I might take English and Government both this first semester, and then not have to go in to school until a magnificently late 9:30 instead of 8 o'clock in the bloody morning. (I'm not a morning person. Surely you can tell that by the fact that this is being written really very early in the morning.)So here's what my schedule might (hopefully) end up being:

1st Semester 2nd Semester

1A- Government 1A- NOTHING

2A- Precalc 2A- Precalc

3A- French III 3A- French III

4A- Latin III 4A- Latin III

1B- English 1B- NOTHING

2B- Seminar 2B- Seminar

3B- Physics 3B- Physics

4B- Debate 4B- Jewelry II

It's a workable schedule, I give it that much.

I'm going to talk to Greg now.

Bright Blessings, y'all

.....

Poul Anderson died on Tuesday, near midnight. And it turns out that he was in the SCA, something which I certainly didn't know... here's the thingie I got over the Calontir list.

"For those who don't know, Poul Anderson was known in the SCA as "Sir Bela of Eastmarch," and was active in the SCA since very, very early on. (He was Knighted on January 6, A.S. II)

- Istvan

Forwarded message:

Poul Anderson died at home near midnight, Tuesday July 31, 2001. He had come home that day to receive hospice care after kidney failure brought on by prostate cancer.

His last day was spent with family and friends. He enjoyed his final meals, and especially a Jubilaeum akvavit and Carlsberg beer.

He was pleased and warmed by the many e-mails he received from friends and strangers around the world who had been touched by his writing.

Special thanks go to Diana Paxson, Geoff Kidd, and Gerry Nordley, who helped greatly in his homecoming.

A memorial gathering is planned for 2pm, Saturday, August 4 at the First Unitarian Church of Oakland, 685 14th Street, Oakland.

Following that, a small wake will be held at Greyhaven from approximately 5pm.

Please bring food or drink to share if attending the wake.

Karen Anderson writes:

Integer Vitae

In Poul's last hours, messages poured in from strangers who told how they had learned honor and courage from his writing, courtesy and kindness from his personal example. Such tributes cannot be awarded, but only earned.

He led his life without expecting to gain rewards or escape punishment in some other existence. He knew that good and evil arise from human nature, and believed it is our duty to choose the good. He was, in the words of the poet Horace, "integer vitae sclerisque purus" -- a man of blameless life and free of crime.

"We brought Poul home from Alta Bates for terminal hospice care.

We gave him Jubilaeum Akvavit, Carlsberg Beer and Boeuf Tartare.

We gave him all our love. About midnight, he slipped away."

signed Karen, Astrid and the rest of the Andersons.

Please pass this around verbatim and in toto.

Everyone is encouraged to repost without alteration.

"In lieu of flowers, donations are requested to the SFWA Emergency

Medical Fund c/o Chuck Rothman, SFWA Treasurer, 1436 Altamount Ave.,

PMB 292, Schenectady, PA 12303-2977" "

What are we going to do? Our great science fiction writers are passing from our presence; what will come to take their place?

(Note: For those who don't know, Douglas Adams, author of the five-book trilogy "The HitchHiker's Guide To The Galaxy", also recently died.)

Bright Blessings, as I can think of nothing to say to follow this.

.....

Once again, I am up _way_ too late. Heh. Last night, at 3 in the morning (okay, that's an oxymoron, oh well) Dad came downstairs, and left for work. He had to do some stuff so that Becky the secretary would have it all ready when she got in to work, because Dad was going to go out biking with a friend. But then Dad's bike was all screwed up, so oh well.

I was talking to some people on ICQ up till midnight, and then I went over to the guys' to see if Jess was still there. She was. So I hung out with her and Rory and Greg for about half an hour, and I came home. Within three minutes of connecting and starting up conversations again, Greg said that Jess wanted a ride home, since I'd offered. I had, so it was all right, but since I was just going to be gone five minutes, I left the computer connected. Anyway, about 2 of the 5 blocks back, Jess talked me into going for a moonlit drive. It was fun. I was corrupted tonight. :) We got in just after 3, I guess, and once Rachel got offline, I got back on and sent apologies to everyone I'd abandoned, especially Wynternight, because I'd already not noticed him when I got back on and I'd said that I would talk to him in five minutes... oh well...

I got to talk to a friend today who I haven't seen in three years, just about to the day. Well, three years and three days, but oh well. I've talked to him since, but just over the phone. I hope I'll get to talk to him over email and Messenger soon, though. I miss having my big group of friends... it was great.

I had a really weird dream last night, or more likely this morning around 8 or 9 when I woke up, rolled over, and went back to sleep. I dreamt that Heath Ledger was staying in our guest bedroom, only he was wearing Rachel's jammies. Only they weren't ones she owns right now, although the pattern matches; they were satin-y instead of worn cotton, and it wasn't a little tank top, it was one of those shirts with the button and the collar and the short sleeves and all. Anyway, in the dream it all made perfect sense, and there was more to it than that, but I can't remember what it was. Except that that particular room was never used for a guest bedroom, or if it was, it wasn't for more than a month or so, and that was about 5 years ago at least.

My birthday is in one month and somewhere between one and two days. David's is on the 3rd. I'm going to call him again. He's the friend I got to talk to.

Anyway, I've been writing for several minutes solid, so I'll stop now, with what I hope will happen tomorrow. I have a surprise birthday party to go to, and maybe I'll be able to drag Julie to Walmart, or at least soon. I also have a lead on cheap, semi-used local armor which might or might not fit, and fighter lessons after school to boot.

By the way, I didn't end up with my ideal school schedule. When it finally settles out everything, I'll tell y'all what actually happened. :)

Bright Blessings

.....

I'm very sad right now. I went and watched "The Princess Diaries" and dammitall, I just can't watch movies anymore. Or "Friends." It's too depressing.

Then I got slapped for something I didn't do and wasn't going to anyway.

I didn't get to talk to John-Boy tonight either.

And I had to go to church this morning.

And now Ryon is being pissy.

And it turns out I have one friend in this town who'll actually hang out with me and not just with "the group" (which I can sometimes participate in, but it's the group and not me). I love you Jules. :)

I have two other friends, too, but I haven't seen or talked to them in about a month.

I miss Kentucky. I had a group of my own there. With many different friends. And we did stuff. And my sister was no part of it.

I have nothing more to say, except that I bought ten yards of 65" wide fabric for $10 yesterday and made most of a dress and a cloak out of it. And I have "Senior Pictures" tomorrow at some point.

And now I have nothing more to say.

.....

This is to let anyone who actually reads this know that I haven't died, despite any apparent evidence.

I've been hanging out with Jess a lot lately. We went and saw Rory's new house, and it's tiny, but it sorta suits him, I guess. And today we went and saw Rush Hour 2. It was funny.

"Naw, man, I'm filming. Call me back. No, I mean it. I'm looking Jackie Chan dead in the eye. Call- no, you can _not_ talk to Jackie Chan! Eh. Hey, man, they want to talk to you."

"You are wasting our film. We are filming now. You call back later."

"Oooh... he's not gonna be in Rush Hour 3..."

I also have GOT to see "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back." It's coming out (hopefully even in our theater) in a week or two, so maybe we'll just _all_ go. Julie, if you read this, you're invited too.

I have no more words.

.....

Ack! What the hell am I doing up at 3 in the morning, I still have to pack and go to sleep before leaving in less than three and a half hours to go to an all-day event in Wichita! Aack!

That being said, I'm going to go pack and probably illegally run out to Walmart at three in the morning to pick up a thing of Gatorade which I'll have to hide. And I'm thinking I'm _not_ going to have time to finish up the fitted garb... I guess it's back to the tent-sized muslin once again....

John-boy is a silly bear. But in a good way.

I don't know html, so if you want to reference this statement go to http://john-boy.diarland.com/. Or not. I don't really care.

.....

Heh heh heh... I just watched about 3 hours of "Friends"... again...

Well, see, we _were_ watching The Little Mermaid. And then we watched The Lion King. And when we turned that off, Friends was on, so we got to watch about ten minutes. Then we (by the way, "we" right here means me, Rachel, and Jess) all wanted to watch more Friends, so we went to Walmart (after midnight mind you) and bought "The Best of Friends Volume 2". We just watched the whole thing. It was very good. To paraphrase the pilot episode, we're going to look like we slept with hangers in our mouths.... :)

I haven't been doing much lately. Tomorrow I'm going to go and pick up my senior pictures; hopefully they'll have turned out well. I think I felt pretty, I guess, while we were taking them, so we'll see if that transferred I guess... I'm going to have to call Roy and tell him _not_ to come over tomorrow... and I have to send Ewen an email to make the armor perusal appointment for 7:30, not 6:30, because, hey, Friends is at 6:30...

I start school on Friday. I didn't get all the classes I wanted, but right now, what I'm probably going to end up taking is Latin, French, Precalculus, Physics, Seminar, Ceramics, Jewelry, Computer Apps, Government, and English. Not all at once. :)

It's late and I have no more words.

Also, if you actually read this thing, do me a favor and go and sign my guestbook... the only person who has that I actually know is Jules... (thank you sweetie) but I know I've told at least three other people....

.....

Blecch. School started today. It sucked. Not actively, mostly, just passively. As in, nothing fun happened, and I have a stupid and boring class to end the day with. Yay. Jump Hop Skip. I'm just ecstatic, can't you tell?

Today I was happy. A friend said "love" although almost certainly not in an amorous sense, but even so it made me happy. But despite that, I have almost no friends in town, and Jules is sad because Rachel is leaving tomorrow and so she won't hang out with me yet because... I don't know. Why, Julie?

Roy isn't in Seminar with us. I don't know why. But him not being there just ruins the group dynamic. I also haven't seen Sushi once in like a month. Last time I saw her, I think, she was in her car driving past me while I was on the way to the guys' house, back when it still was the guys' house. Now Rory has his own place, Greg is living in a camper in his sister's backyard, Michael is in Pittsburg five days a week, and Josh and Becky are getting married. It's weird not to have a place to go.

By the way... I'm grounded right now... because I went out driving for an hour or two all by myself. I still have a restricted license, which means that if I'm driving alone it's to/from school (not school activities, lah di dah) or work and that's it. Fetching my senior pictures from twenty miles away and meeting my mother for lunch apparently doesn't count as either of those. I wonder why not?

My being grounded meant I couldn't go see American Pie 2 this afternoon with Jess, her brother, and his friend. But apparently that's okay, because he was a jerk the whole way through. But I am hearing this from Jess, so who knows?

I can't see right now... I think my eyes are rotting....

There's supposed to be a concert tomorrow about thirty miles away. I don't think it's on. The story, as I heard it, was that the lady in charge took all the money from the ticket sales and all the money from the bands who were going to play and skedaddled. (Not the words of the person who told me this originally.) So... no concert? Maybe... maybe not... we don't know, but Michael got told not to mention it AT ALL on the radio tonight, and last week he was plugging it every three songs. Draw what conclusion from that you will.

I have weird dreams, but I've already told the people involved the latest one, so that's okay then. I'd like to have another one.

Here's wishes for John-Boy, who has thirty bucks on the line if he's the best at marching.

My words have left me.

.....

I'm married now. I think.

See, the way it works is like this: I was talking to John-Boy earlier today, and for some reason he's decided he likes me and he asked me to marry him. So I said yeah, sure, why not? (At the moment, and I'm sure I'm getting the number wrong, he has about 24 "wives" and one "husband". I'm not sure how that one happened, and I didn't ask. I'm not sure I want to know how it happened...) But I don't know if we're really "married" yet or what, because I've not really done this before and he didn't say, and now he's not on so I can't ask him. :(

I learned a new smilie the other day: <)8-) It's a wizard, see it? I learned it because the head editor for Wossname, the Klatchian Foreign Legion/North American Discworld Society monthly e-newsletter, used it when he asked me to be the news editor. I said yes... I'm going to be busy hunting things down, because I can't find alt.fan.pratchett for the life of me and apparently that's where everything is.

My watch is digging into my wrist. So I took it off just now. I thought you'd like to know. :)

I went to the dentist today. :( It turns out that I still have the cavity I had a year ago and never got filled. This time it will be, in November. (Okay... it's August now... yes, they're busy.)

That reminds me-- My birthday is exactly two weeks from tomorrow, on September 5th. This means I expect a present from all of you, especially if you actually know me. :)

There was something else I wanted to say right before I mentioned my watch, but now I can't remember what it is. >.<

Oh hey... I remember now, I think... (But don't worry, I'm going to leave be that little paragraph right above this one just for the hell of it.) I'm in a Ceramics class, see? It's going to be either fun or boring, I haven't decided which yet, but I need to find my toolbox tonight, because class is first thing tomorrow morning and I'd like to start. Anyway, because I'm going to have the toolbox, I'm also going to come in during a zillion Seminar periods and make me some jewelry. I'm thinking rings at least, and maybe a necklace or two. And maybe some Christmas/Yule/Saturnalia/etc presents, too. :)

New band, very good, need to look into (this is for your benefit, not mine, I already found them): Transforming Apollo, although I have no idea where you'll find any of their music, because they're a tiny local band that as far as I know have been played on the radio once outside of their hometown of Sterling, Kansas. (Michael played a song on the radio show last week.)

Sort-of but not quite new band that's still good even if it isn't who you'd think it is: Josie and the Pussycats. No, it's not the actresses, but they sound good anyway, and they have some really good songs. In my opinion, anyway, and you should listen to it because it's platinum. :)

Best old rock song with a decent, but not as good, cover: Cheap Trick's "I Want You To Want Me" (covered by Letters to Cleo in "Ten Things I Hate About You"). I agree with Jess, now, it is a better version... the bit with the "old brown shoes" makes a helluva lot more sense now.

Okay, I'm sure that's enough now...

.....

I'm still alive.

I think.

I'm not sure.

I'm really tired.

It's really early for me to be this tired.

I don't have anything else to say.

.....

Wtf... I was just reading my old entries, and the one where I said "I'm Married Now!!" or whatever has something in it that I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA where it came from. I said "You should get the Josie and the Pussycats album because it's platinum." And I have no clue in the big wide world where I got "platinum" from. And it wasn't even that late when I wrote it!

John-Boy is on the phone. Having read his diary, I think he was probably talking to his mom, because today is her birthday. And so, of course, right when I started to type this paragraph he finished... Such is life, I guess...

I have a lot of Precalc and Physics homework to do, and I ought to be working on it (should have this whole weekend for that matter) instead of watching Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (which rocks the llama, as John-Boy said) and talking to John-Boy, for that matter. I don't think it's particularly hard stuff, just kinda boring and there's tons of it, which is why I'm putting it off, which is a really stupid thing to do, I know...

Bah.

.....

Okay, so today hasn't been groovy. >.<

Y'see, I had Precalc today, and I'm totally lost. One of my new prescription contacts still isn't quite right. I just banged my hand against a table. And the internet's been all screwed up, so I only just got on, and I didn't get to talk to John-Boy at all today. I sent him an email or three, but I only got one back and there was no chatting, man, and that's where all the love is...

Okay, I don't know which personality slipped that voice of democracy in there...

I'm going to go away now... nothing fun happened today. Except for the thunderstorm. But it wasn't enjoyable, because it was very very cold.

Mandatory Pirate Name reference/plug: Arr!

Au revoir, y'all

.....

I'm talking to a friend of mine who I haven't talked to in a very very long time. I haven't seen him in more than three years, either. Hi Nick, if you read this!

I've got poems running around in my head, and I don't know if I can get them down on paper. :( This is sad, because I think they'd be good.

My sister is downstairs having a booty call. >.< She's back from college, and I had to hear her say "Michael ------, you have a booty call! Tonight, my place, 11:30! Be there!" She never said it to him, either. >.<

I've never really been a fan of Labor Day... it's too close to my birthday, although that means that I generally get to see my clan of family members (I'm not exagerrating particularly, there's tons of them, and it looks like I spelled that wrong) right near my birthday, which is next Wednesday and everyone who reads this needs to go here and send me a card ([email protected]). So that I'll be happy, because everybody wants me to be happy, right? But at any rate, Labor Day means that I talk to people I haven't, which is good, but also means that I can't talk to people I want to. Which is bad. :(

So how many of you have gone and checked out Transforming Apollo like I told you to? :) Another good band which I'm pretty sure I've talked about, but bears repeating, is The Fine Print, which you can find here. Promise.

I don't know where my poems went, now. I was going to try to write one of them up, but I don't think it's going to work. Oh well... maybe some other time...

Slainte