It's kinda sad.

Hunter's getting boring.

Last night, we had the chance to end the campaign. We're about to go up against "Red", the vampire who's got my "little sister", kittyCat/Riley's "boyfriend", and Nick's "fiancee" (yeah, so that's a lot of quotation marks. And I don't really care. This is to help differentiate reality from a game. It's for you. Accept it as a gift and shut up already.) hostage. And she's probably going to kill them.

And I don't care anymore. I think the campaign has gone on for too long or something, because all five of us are on the verge of going Wayward.

Which would at least be interesting, I suppose.

Anyway, I don't really care if I live or die during this mission anymore. Sad but true.

I'd like to run a game of my own now, though. Either Paranoia or Discworld. Either one. Don't really care which.

I might end up fudging things around so that I wouldn't be using GURPS rules for Discworld. I haven't decided yet. On the other hand, they are actually fairly simple. You have three dice. You roll them. Little numbers are generally good, and big numbers are generally bad.

Sigh.

Speaking of Discworld, I bought "Discworld Also" today. Hence, really wanting to start running this.

On the other hand, it'd be nice to play Paranoia and swat them.

Maybe I should save that for later, though.

.....

Sunday, 15 December, a week and a half from now, is Winter Feast. Apparently a voice in my head has talked me into going after all.

Interesting fact... there's a novice tournament at Feast. Rule is, if you've fought at three or more official Dagorhir events - which means Altair, the Woods Battle, and the Dominion battles - then you're not a novice anymore. Well, I've been to two D. battles. But I haven't fought at either of them. The first because I'd hurt my neck, and then last Sunday because I was in a bad mood and it was cold.

But it's good I didn't fight then, for two reasons. One, I probably would have gotten hurt. And two... this way, I've only fought at two events.

I'm still a novice.

Which means I am *so* going to fight in the tournament. And hopefully do at least decently well. Kick some ass. That kind of thing.

Oooh... battle music... Stroke 9, anybody? *grins*

Especially since there's live steel prizes to be fought for, biotch.

Okay, I've been reading too much Uncle Bob.

That, and the fact that I know I have readers, and so I'm talking to them. Naughty naughty me. But I can't exactly pretend like I'm the only one to read this, you know...

Besides, I talk more freely like this anyway.

I also completely lose track of everything I'm saying, but it's not like that's anything new.

Bah.

.....

Last night, before we started playing Hunter, I ran out of the lobby back to my room and had what I think was a panic attack. I don't know why.

It was an interesting experience, listening to myself talk to myself and talk me down from it.

I'm not sure if it was a voice in my head talking to me or me talking to a voice in my head. Or maybe both... or I could have been talking to myself, or listening to a voice talk to another voice... only the Shadow knows for sure, I suppose.

I don't think I'm MPD. Yeah, sure, I had a fucked up childhood - it's always nice to remember that your older sister, who you idolized, called you Barfenew for a year or two - but nothing _that_ bad... I think.

Not Alters... but maybe Aspects? Because while I'm always conscious, it doesn't always feel like _me_ talking.

Somebody who has a clue... any thoughts? advice? anything?

Maybe I should go to the health center tomorrow, I guess. *sighs*

Or maybe just stop talking.