Today is not my day.

Tonight is not my night.

Apparently I don't really matter to the world today. Tonight. Whatever.

I managed to stay asleep until 3 this afternoon. I hadn't really planned on doing that. 10, hell yeah. 12, probably. 3? No.

I had a class at 5. I had a play that had to be written before then. I ended up having to make macaroni and cheese while I was writing the play and leaving my house at 5 to be fifteen minutes late for class, because it was all on a different format.

I got to my second class when they were on an early break. Meaning that I missed the first hour.

I came home.

He was supposed to call at about 9:45.

He didn't call.

I've done nothing all day, and about the same all night.

I have school tomorrow. Why the hell am I still up at 2 in the morning?

One of my friends is really depressed right now, and I can't help.

He doesn't want help.

And even if he did, I don't know if I'd be able to help.

I was very angry Sunday afternoon. I've been pretty happy since Sunday night. I don't know if it's going to last out the night, now.

I'm beginning to get the feeling that, once again, I can't do a damn thing right.

I have eight days of school left, including what is now today.

I don't think I could care less without caring enough to work at it.

I really wish I knew what to do. I don't have the slightest idea.

I know that I need to fix up my shit from school. I don't care.

I know that I need to figure out what the hell to do about Lenny. I don't care.

I know that I should probably avoid him, and that I should tell him I don't want to have anything to do with him, that he lied to me, blah blah blah. I don't care.

I know that I need somebody who loves me because they can, not because they're supposed to or they're related to me.

I know that I need somebody to come over and give me a hug, for no reason but they want to or they think I need a hug.

I know that I need somebody to love me so much that it hurts on both ends when we're not together.

I need somebody who's romantic, somebody who wants to hold me, somebody who'd come to my window in the middle of the night to give me roses, or something.

I need somebody who will hold me when I cry. Somebody who would tuck me into bed when I was too tired to get there by myself. Somebody to take care of me when I need it.

But I also need somebody who expects me to stand on my own, yet will support me in everything I do.

Damn me for reading too many books with romantic heroic couples in them.

Damn life for not making itself like the books.

Damn life for being such an overall shit.

And damn life for being so depressing to so many people who I need to give hugs to and I can't because they live so far away.