Well, I'm still grounded...

And I shouldn't be online right now... but I don't care. I'm staying on until his download is finished, because I need to talk to him...

Mainly because I'm working 8 to close tomorrow, and then I'll be in Manhattan this weekend with AD... and he'll probably be gone by then...

I hope Shawn has internet access... but I don't think he does yet. :(

Which means fuck if I know when I'll get to talk to him after tonight...

And when his download is finished, I will be getting off, because I'm not stupid, okay?

Well, sometimes. *tells herself to shut up*

Turns out that Johnny was in the hospital with pneumonia last night, so Lenny never got on... I think I was all right with that, though. I worked until 8 or so, and went to bed fairly early... wasn't feeling so well.

I got my period this morning. >.< At least I don't have to worry about... nevermind.

So I get to feel like shit today and probably tomorrow, too, and I'm working to close, like I said... that's going to be _so_ much fun, don't you think????

At least I might not have to go to school tomorrow. It's not as if I care right now... and when you consider those chairs and all... I wouldn't get a damn thing done, so I might as well sleep in and feel better anyway. And read some of the AD shit so that I'll get a better score this weekend.

Anyway, back to what I was talking about... Johnny's still sick, but he's going to get better soon... he still feels bad, and it's really hard to get him to take his medicine, apparently.

I asked Lenny if it was a pill, a syrup, or something that requires the use of a dropper and looks like some sort of strange torture implement. He said "Yes." I asked him, "all of the above?" He said yes again.

*rolls eyes*

God, I miss him... I saw him on Sunday, I'm talking to him right now... and I miss him so much...

I just wish it was six months from now, and I was getting ready to go away, or maybe even not living here anymore, to get used to it...

I don't know, I could swing something with Jess and Preston, I'm sure... and since they still live in town, Mom might even let me. Maybe. (end tangent)

Anyway, eventually... I don't know.

You see, it's taken me sixteen years to find anybody I liked well enough to get this close to. He was the first person I've ever even held hands with romantically, for gods' sake!

Sometimes I feel terrified that he's going to disappear or find somebody else he likes more and leave me forever, and I'll be left alone, and I'll have to wait another sixteen years until I find somebody else, if then...

I just don't want him to leave... if anything, I want him to come closer... hell, if people were actually hiring around here, I'd tell him to talk to Jess and Preston himself to see if he could take their spare room...

I don't want him to go away and leave me here, for any length of time... and that's exactly what he's going to do, and it's killing me...

I talked to Samantha yesterday, or maybe today (can't remember which), and asked her what the longest amount of time she's spent away from her man (Josh, I think his name is... damn I'm lazy, that I can't even pull up the page), who lives six hours' drive away from her.

She said 2 months. And it was terrible.

I get to look forward to six or seven.

I'm going to hate it. I already do.

I need to get back to talking to him, though, because he's gotten distracted... and he's going to leave so soon...